if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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