So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
