he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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