I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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