So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
