finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Im part way to drunk.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
