Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
