This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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