id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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