You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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