So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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