A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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