ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
