I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
