Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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