I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
