I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
