We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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