I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
