Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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