and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
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