Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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