And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
