i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
