great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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