Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
