i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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