My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
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