your room smells of hookers.
And success
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Randomize
