My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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