Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
