NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
