Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
