I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
