On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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