Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
