never play flip cup with pint glasses
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
