we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
