I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
