its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
