It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
