he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
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