well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
