he thought i was a dude.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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