I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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