For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
