If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
