some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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