he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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