everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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