Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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