my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Randomize
