i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
